YOU SHALL NOT WRONG A STRANGER OR OPPRESS HIM, FOR YOU WERE STRANGERS IN THE LAND OF EGYPT. YOU SHALL NOT MISTREAT ANY WIDOW OR ORPHAN

(Shemot 22:20-1)

 

You shall not mistreat any widow or orphan - That is also the law regarding any person, but Scripture is speaking of what usually happens and therefore mentions these in particular for they are feeble in defensive power and it is a frequent occurrence for people to afflict them.

(Rashi Shemot 22:21, Silberman translation)

 

He may sustain his divorced wife, and this is a greater mitzvah than (sustaining) other poor people.

(ReMA, Shulhan Arukh Even Ha-Ezer 11: 8)

 

 

You Shall Not Mistreat Any Widow or Orphan - What About the Divorced Women?

Yehudah Pinchover

 

Dedicated to the memory of my father-in-law,

Dr. Emanuel Halpern z"l,

a God-fearing man of great charity.

Of all the mitzvot, the one commanded by the Torah in the most emotional and powerful language appears in our parasha. I am referring to the commandment not to oppress the misfortunate:

You shall not mistreat any widow or orphan. If you do mistreat them, I will heed their outcry as soon as they cry out to Me, and My anger shall blaze forth and I will put you to the sword, and your own wives shall become widows and your children orphans. (Shemot 22:21-3)

The RaMBaM explains in Hilkhot Deot:

A man ought to be especially heedful of his behavior toward widows and orphans, for their souls are exceedingly depressed and their spirits low, even if they are wealthy[!] (6:10 Hyamson translation)

This mitzvah is just one of many devoted to caring for the weaker members of society. The list of "beneficiaries" of the Torah's attention is quite long. Besides the widow and orphan just mentioned, it also includes the stranger, the pauper, the Levite, the male servant, and the female servant. But who is missing?

As someone living in our present historical period, I sense the prominent and hurtful omission of the divorced woman from this list. It must be remembered that the Torah is not unaware of the divorced woman; she appears together with the widow in connection with certain prohibitions. The Torah and our Sages took technical measures, such as the get [bill of divorce], ketubah [marriage contract], and other edicts to protect the divorced woman's legal status. But where does the Torah express concern for the divorced woman's plight? And where is the commandment to support abandoned women, such as those whose husbands refuse to grant divorce, and agunot [women whose widowhood cannot be technically established]? The souls of these women "are exceedingly depressed and their spirits low," even if some of them are wealthy! Where is the concern of the Sages, of the community's leadership, both Rishonim [early post-Talmudic scholars] and Aharonim [more recent post-Talmudic scholars]? In my researches, I have not found an emotional and powerful call on behalf of divorced women similar to the kind we have seen regarding the widow and the orphan.

One might attempt to argue that the divorced woman never garnered the kind of attention given the widow because, up until our day, divorce was not widespread, and also because divorce is an undesirable social phenomenon in society. However, it turns out that divorces did take place in the biblical period, in the Talmudic period, and in the middle ages. In those times, divorced women found themselves in an even more vulnerable position than they are in today. One must also remember that moral condemnation of divorce (which is not implied by the Torah) occurs at most once in Scripture, in Malachi 2:16: For I detest divorce - said the Lord, God of Israel. There is some indication of a similar attitude among the Sages (see, for instance, Gittin 90b and Pesahim 112a), but it is not the prevailing approach. The Sages viewed the dissolution of any family as unfortunate, but also as a persistent phenomenon that is not to be fought against (as opposed to the Christian view).

While I have not found a scriptural passage that explicitly addresses the divorced woman's plight, hints of concern for this problem have turned up. The Torah displays great empathy with Sarah's handmaiden, Hagar, when telling the story of her torment and banishment. (See on this Martin Buber's Darko Shel Mikra, 295-6). And so, the RaMBaN wrote:

Our mother [Sarah] did transgress by this affliction and Abraham also by his permitting her to do so. And so, God heard her [Hagar's] affliction and gave her a son who would be a wild-ass of a man (Bereishit 16: 12), to afflict the seed of Abraham and Sarah with all kinds of affliction. (Bereishit 16:6, Chavel translation)

ReDaK [on Bereishit 16: 6] states that this section of the Torah was written in order to teach us how not to behave:

God did not approve of what Sarah had done, as the angel says to Hagar, For God has paid heed to your suffering (16:11), and repaid her with a blessing that would replace her suffering... and this entire story has been transcribed in the Torah in order to teach people good qualities, and to remove the evil [qualities].

One might also say that by picturing Israel metaphorically as a divorced, abandoned, and hated woman upon whom God takes pity, the prophets teach us good qualities which we must adopt for ourselves, in accordance with the notion, "Just as He is called merciful, so too, you should be merciful." For example, this is apparent in Isaiah 54:6-8 (see also 60:15):

The Lord has called you back as a wife forlorn and forsaken. Can one cast off the wife of his youth? - said your God. For a little while I forsook you, but with a vast love I will bring you back. In slight anger, for a moment, I hid My face from you; but with kindness everlasting I will take you back in love - said the Lord your Redeemer.

I did not find much in the way of explicit halakhic rulings on this matter, but the following two wonderful stories demonstrate that at least some of he Sages were aware of the plight of divorced women:

In the days of Rabbi Tanhuma, Israel required a fast [for lack of rain]. They came to him and said, "Rabbi, proclaim a fast, proclaim a fast. The first day, the second day, the third day [passed], but no rain fell. He assembled them and preached to them: "My children, be full of mercy for each other, and the Holy One Blessed be He will be full of mercy towards you." While they were distributing alms to their poor they saw one man handing coins to his ex-wife. They approached him [Rabbi Tanhuma] and said to him: "Rabbi, what are we doing here when transgression is here with us?" He said: "What did you see?" They told him: "We saw a certain man give coins to his ex-wife." He sent out and had him brought before the community. He said to him, "What is she to you?" He said: "My ex-wife." He said: "Why did you give her coins?" He said: "Rabbi, I saw that she was in trouble, and I became full of pity for her." At that moment Rabbi Tanhuma turned his face upwards and said: "Master of all worlds - Consider this one, who does not owe her sustenance, yet when he saw her in trouble he was filled with pity for her - and You, of Whom it is written God is compassionate and merciful, and we are your children, the children of your beloved, the children of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, how much more so that you should be full of pity for us. The rain immediately began to fall, and the world was watered. (Bereishit Rabbah 33:3)

Rabbi Tanhumah is of the opinion that rain does not fall thanks to the external ritual trappings of a fast, rather only on condition that people become full of mercy towards each other. The people failed to internalize the essence of charity; they went forth to distribute alms outside, they came across the divorced man who had become full of mercy towards his ex-wife. Since their hearts were not full of mercy, they suspected the two of them. Only Rabbi Tanhuma is able to announce that rain returned to the world thanks to that man who paid attention to his ex-wife's predicament.

The second story opens with a halakhah concerned with the dignity of the divorced woman:

Just as a man saves his widow's kavod [honor, material sustenance] so too he saves the kavod of his ex-wife, for Rabbi Ya'akov bar Aha said in the name of Rabbi Lazar: "and not to ignore your own kin (Isaiah 58:7) - that is his ex-wife.

The story follows immediately:

Rabbi Yosi HaGalili's wife caused him much grief. Rabbi Elazar ben Azariah came up to visit him, he told him: "Divorce her, for she does you no honor." He said: The [price] of her ketubah is too much for me. He said to him: I will give you the [price of] her ketubah. He gave him the [price of] her ketubah, and he divorced her. She went and married the town's watchman. He [the watchman] went broke and became blind, and she would lead him around town [to beg for alms]. One time she took him around town, yet he was given nothing. He said to her: "Is there no other neighborhood here?" She said to him: "There is my ex-husband's neighborhood, but I do not have the strength to enter it." He began hitting her. Rabbi Yosi HaGalili passed by and heard them embarrassing themselves in the market. He took them and set them up in one of his houses. And he brought them food for as long as they lived. (Yerushalmi Ketubot 11:3)

Rabbi Yossi took pity upon his ex-wife who had caused him so much trouble, who had apparently impoverished him, and with whom it was still difficult to get along. Rabbi Yossi and his ex-wife also knew that any connection between them would be seen by the public in a negative light. Despite all this, Rabbi Yossi saw that she was distressed, took pity upon her, brought them into his house and fed them for the rest of their lives.

It is interesting that in both of these stories it is the ex-husband, rather than the community, who acts compassionately towards the divorced woman. If only we, as human beings, as a community, and as a people, could learn to show each other compassion. My Lord God will wipe the tears away from all faces and will put an end to the reproach of His people over all the earth - for it is the Lord who has spoken (Isaiah 25:8).

Yehuda Pinchover is one of Netivot Shalom's founders.

 

 

The Holy One Blessed Be He Takes Care of the Weak

We are obligated to be more scrupulous in fulfilling he commandment of tzedakah (charity, literally, "righteousness") than any other positive commandment because charity is the sign of the righteous man, the seed of Abraham our father, as it is said, For I know him, that he will command his children and his family after him, and they will keep the Lord's way, to do tzedakah and justice (Bereishit 18:19). The throne of Israel is established and the religion of truth is upheld only through charity, as it is said, In tzedakah you shall be established (Isaiah 34:14) Israel is redeemed only through charity, as it is written, Zion shall be redeemed with judgment and they that return of her with tzedakah (ibid. 1:27).

No man has ever become impoverished by giving charity and no evil or damage has ever resulted from charity, as it is said, For the work of tzedakah shall be peace, and the effect of tzedakah, calm and confidence forever (ibid. 32:17).

(RaMBaM Hilkhot Matanot La'Aniyim 10:1-2, based on Yale translation)

 

A man ought to be especially heedful of his behavior toward widows and orphans, for their souls are exceedingly depressed and their spirits low, even if they are wealthy, even if they are the widow and orphans of a king, we are specifically enjoined concerning them, as it is said, You shall not afflict any widow or fatherless child (Shemot 22:21).

(RaMBaM Hilhot Deot 6:10, Hyamson translation)

 

Anyone who teases them, or angers them, or causes hurt to their heart, or lords over them, or causes their property to be diminished - that person has transgressed a negative commandment. Even more so if one strikes or curses them. And this prohibition, even though it does not incur flogging, its punishment is made clear by the Torah, and My anger shall blaze forth and I will put you to the sword. (Shemot 22:23).

He who spoke and brought the world into existence has made a covenant with them; whenever they cry out from violence - they are answered, for it says I will heed their outcry as soon as they cry out to Me (Shemot 22:22).

(RaMBam Hilkhot Deot 6: 15-17)

 

The correct interpretation appears to me to be that He is saying: "Do not wrong a stranger or oppress him, thinking as you might that none can deliver him out of your hand; for you know that you were strangers in the land of Egypt and I saw the oppression wherewith the Egyptians oppressed (Shemot 3:9) you, and I avenged your cause on them, because I behold the tears of such who are oppressed and have no comforter, and on the side of their oppressors there is power (Kohellet 4:1) and I deliver each one from him that is too strong for him (Tehillim 35:10). Likewise you shall not afflict the widow and the fatherless child for I will hear their cry, for all these people do not rely upon themselves but trust in Me." And in another verse He added this reason: for you know the soul of a stranger, seeing you were strangers in the land of Egypt (Shemot 23:9). That is to say, you know that every stranger feels depressed, and is always sighing and crying, and his eyes are always directed towards God, therefore He will have mercy upon him even as He showed mercy to you, just as it is written, and the children of Israel sighed by reason of the bondage, and they cried, and their cry came up unto God by reason of the bondage (Shemot 2:23), meaning that He had mercy upon them not because of their merits, but only on account of the bondage.

(RaMBaN Shemot 22:20, Chavel translation)

 

You Shall Be Holy Men To Me

[This may also be translated as] You shall be human holy-ones to me. Sanctify your human activities - that is the principal holiness required of human beings. The Master of the universe already has enough angels in heaven.

(Attributed to Rabi Menachem Mendel of Kotzk in Ma'ayanah Shel Torah)

 

 

 

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